i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
