I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize