Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
