Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
