My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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