I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
