yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
