Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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