I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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