I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
