Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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