Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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