it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
