You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
