I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
