Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
