I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
