you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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