he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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