I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
