I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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