two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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