i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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