Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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