We need to start having sex underwater more often.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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