You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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