I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
