Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
