I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
