they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
