Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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