Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
