I think i peed on brittanys purse
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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