Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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