her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
