we made out on top of his cat.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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