I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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