I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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