How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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