party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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