so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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