he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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