Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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