thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
