Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
