I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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