oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
