If i come over, it means nothing
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
