Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
