My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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