I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
