dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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