I want to stick my p in your. b.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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