No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
