i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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