so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
