I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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