It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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