whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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