my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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