I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
