i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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