the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
