dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
