Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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