I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
