Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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