just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
