your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
