my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I want her autograph on my taint
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
