so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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